Who, If Not Each Other?
by redcherryamber
Summary: Genesis, Angeal, Sephiroth. Some triangles are complicated. Yaoi, but not graphic. Genesis/Sephiroth mainly. Three short chapters. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Set just before Crisis Core, attempting to explain some of the complexities of the Sephiroth / Angeal / Genesis relationship. Yaoi, but not graphic.

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Who, if not Each Other?

Phone Sick

Sephiroth was pouring coffee when his phone rang. He wandered back into the bedroom, then remembered, and went to retrieve the phone from the pocket of his black leather coat, which had been flung carelessly over a chair in the living room of his apartment. He flipped the phone open and murmured, "Hello, Angeal."

"Sephiroth. Sorry to call so early, but you wouldn't know where Genesis is would you? We were supposed to be training this morning, but he's not turned up…" There was a long pause then Sephiroth's calm voice said, "Hold on. I'll see if he's awake."

Angeal was waiting by the door of the training room. Various Second Class SOLDIERS passed by, many of them giving him surreptitious but respectful glances as they did so. He turned to face the wall abruptly, aware that his hand, holding the phone, was shaking. He felt sick and light-headed. He heard Sephiroth's voice, low, but quite audible, saying, "Gen? Are you awake?" Angeal's heart lurched as he heard Genesis' sleepy reply: "Hmm? Oh, Seph…" Then, in quite a different tone, "Why? What is it?"

"Angeal's on the phone. Apparently you were meant to meet him for training this morning."

"Oh _goddess_! Angeal's on the phone _now_? _That_ phone?" Angeal could hear the horror in Genesis' voice, and through his numb shock and slowly building anger, he found that there was still part of him that wanted to protect Genesis. Angeal was astonished at how calm his own voice sounded as he told Sephiroth, "Let me talk to him."

"He wants to talk to you." Sephiroth sounded entirely unruffled. Perhaps he was enjoying himself. If so, it was unspeakably cruel to Genesis. Angeal's heart burned for his friend as much as for himself. When he finally spoke, Genesis' voice was shaky. "Angeal. I'm sorry. I…"

"Gen. Are you okay?"

"Wh – yes – fine – Angeal?"

"So I guess you won't be making training this morning?"

"No. I'm…sorry."

"Okay. I'll see you later then."

"Angeal –"

Angeal ended the call and turned the phone off. He stood still for a long moment, looking at the phone in his hand, seeing nothing. Then he slammed open the training room door, and stormed in. It might only be a holographic projection of a monster he would be fighting now, but he badly needed to kill something.

Genesis let Sephiroth's phone fall onto the black sheets and hid his face in his hands. He let out a sigh that was almost a groan. When he finally looked up at Sephiroth, his face was white, his blue eyes blazing. "Why did you do that?" Sephiroth looked at Genesis. He allowed no trace of triumph to reveal itself in his expression, no hint of amusement, although he felt both. With his usual deadly, instinctive precision, Sephiroth knew that to show either would repel Genesis. Instead he opted for the passionate intensity of feeling he knew Genesis would not be able to resist. "Gen, he _had_ to know! It's better like this – at the start. What if he found out later, and knew we'd kept it from him? Surely that would be worse?"

"But – I would have told him! I should have told him, face to face."

"I know." Sephiroth sat on the edge of the bed and took Genesis's beautiful face in his hands, gently. "But Gen, it's happened." Genesis did not meet Sephiroth's gaze. "You _made_ it happen," he said. Sephiroth shook his head. "It _had_ to happen." Genesis put his hands over Sephiroth's, but did not push them away. Rather, he gripped them, as though he were drowning, as though Sephiroth could save him. "You could've said you hadn't seen me."

"And started this with a lie?" Sephiroth murmured.

"This?" Genesis looked into Sephiroth's eyes then. Sephiroth smiled and kissed him, and Genesis was lost.

For two days Genesis avoided Angeal, spending most of his time in Sephiroth's rooms. He knew he was being a coward, but Angeal's voice on the phone had sounded so hurt, and yet so sympathetic, that he felt stabbing guilt whenever he thought of it. He replayed the scene in his mind over and over, and it never got any better. What could he say to Angeal when they met? He had discussed it with Sephiroth of course, much later that same day, when they had finally got out of bed. Sephiroth had been calm and sensible and had told him that Angeal would understand. "He's your friend Gen. He'll still be your friend. You know, when you two joined ShinRa and began your swift rise through the ranks I was jealous of how close you were. But this is different. Angeal never felt like this about you, did he? And I know there have been girls, from time to time."

"I don't know. Yes, he's had dates with girls. But nothing lasted. And there was a time when I thought – maybe…"

"And did you ever feel like this about _him_?" Sephiroth had let his genuine jealousy show for a moment then, just adding an edge to his tone that had made Genesis shiver. "I…don't…" Genesis had been unable to put his feelings into words. There was no quotation from _Loveless_ to cover these mixed emotions. In the end he had shaken his head. "Not like this," he'd replied. Then Sephiroth had kissed him again, and he'd been unable to think anything coherent for some time.

Now Genesis stood outside Angeal's door, his heart beating fast. He had to see his friend – to explain. He raised his hand – hesitated – knocked. Angeal opened the door and stood looking at Genesis. At last he said, "You'd better come in." As soon as he was through the door, Gensis said, "I'm sorry, Angeal. On the phone – that was awful – I didn't want it to be like that."

"I know. It was Sephiroth." Better to say the name quickly, like pulling a dislocated bone straight, and get the inevitable pain over with. Genesis shook his head, red hair gleaming under the artificial lights. "Don't blame Sephiroth."

"Do you love him?" Angeal hated asking the question.

"I don't know. It's not simple."

"It should be!" Angeal suddenly found that he was furious. Genesis took an involuntary step back. "It should be the simplest thing in the world."

"But – why do you _mind_ so much? It's not as though you and I –"

"Don't." Angeal's voice was almost a growl. "Don't you dare pretend you don't know how I feel about you! How I've always felt!"

"I…I was never sure!"

"Liar! If you didn't know, why would that phone call have mattered?"

"Then why didn't you ever _say_ anything?" Genesis flung back, his voice unsteady. "Why, when we were both so obviously feeling more than friendship? I waited and waited, and then you kept running to those girls, and every time I wanted to die! And then Sephiroth – it was so _easy_ with him! None of this dancing around the issue, this hidden, burning, painful – oh Angeal! I loved you, and you never - and then in training, Sephiroth just flicked my sword away as if it was nothing, and pinned me against the wall and kissed me, and I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist." Genesis took a ragged breath. Angeal whispered, "You _loved_ me?"

Genesis nodded, miserably. "Did. _Do_. But it's too late. I'm with Sephiroth now. I can't…"

"If you love me…"

"You don't understand. Sephiroth is too powerful. I'm sorry Angeal. I couldn't resist him." Genesis walked to the door. "Don't…hate me for being so weak." He opened the door, and when he looked back over his shoulder his mako-blue eyes were very sad. "If he'd asked you, you wouldn't have been able to resist him either." He closed the door quietly behind him. Angeal leaned against the wall, defeated. "But he did ask me, Gen," he whispered. "And I said no."

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	2. Chapter 2

Who, If Not Each Other?

If You Ever…

Of course the fact that he was burning with anger and jealousy wasn't about to prevent Angeal from carrying out his duties with his usual dedication and efficiency. This morning he was supposed to be training with Sephiroth and so he was outside the training room punctually. He wondered whether the silver-haired SOLDIER would turn up, half hoping that he wouldn't, but there were still a few minutes to go when he saw Sephiroth's tall figure approaching. The two first class SOLDIERS nodded to each other without speaking. Angeal pushed the door release and they entered the training room together. Sephiroth's expression was unreadable, the slight smile possibly suggestive of so many things – amusement, irony, satisfaction, triumph? Or perhaps none of those at all. Angeal made himself speak normally: "So, do you want to run a programme? Or shall we just spar?"

Sephiroth walked away, his long sword in his left hand as ever; the silver hair rippling down his back. He turned suddenly, sword at the ready, his movements so fluid and graceful that Angeal sighed inwardly. "He is so devastatingly beautiful – how can I blame Genesis for loving him? How could I have turned him down?" And yet, at the time it had been easy, because his heart had been given to Genesis entirely. Sephiroth said, "Come on, Angeal. I expect you want to kill me. Give it your best shot."

"Right." Angeal drew his own sword – not the buster sword, of course, but the one he used for training – and waited for Sephiroth's attack. It was not slow in coming. Angeal fought hard, anger at Sephiroth making him more determined, and Sephiroth had to parry more violent blows than usual. Angeal's blade struck sparks from Sephiroth's masamune as the two warriors pushed against each other, steel to steel. But inevitably, Sephiroth was stronger. In the end he twisted Angeal's weapon aside, and said, "It's over." Angeal threw down his sword. "And once again the mighty Sephiroth sweeps all before him," Angeal commented, his eyes downcast. "It must be nice to know you can always have things your own way." Sephiroth shook his head. "You can't be angry about Genesis. You made it quite clear that _you_ didn't want me, and you've had years to get together with him if you'd ever wanted to."

"You know I love him! I told you, that's why I couldn't be with you! What is this with Genesis now, Sephiroth? Is it revenge on me? Punishment for turning you down?"

"I'm not that petty!" Sephiroth's anger seemed genuine. "Why shouldn't I be with Genesis? Perhaps I just chose wrongly, the first time. Genesis is clever, educated, beautiful. It was your strength, your notions of honour, that drew me to you, but Genesis is growing stronger all the time. Each time we fight, he pushes me further. One day, he may even beat me. He has the drive you lack – the ambition."

"He loves me."

"Yes, as a friend, he always has. But that's not the same at all. He can't resist _me_."

"And you? Do you care for him at all? Or is this all about your ego?"

"I love him."

"Really." Angeal's tone was cynical. "I'm not sure you know what that means."

"Do any of us?" Sephiroth's smile was sincere now, and a little sad. "I know our lives have hardly been normal. How many missions have we been on? How many people have we killed? We're not fitted for ordinary life. All those fans – practically children some of them – how wrong it would be to look for love from any of them! We are SOLDIER – we serve ShinRa for good or evil – our destinies are written by the company and the mako enhancement. Who else can we love, if not each other?"

"Well…that's true," conceded Angeal reluctantly.

"I've always felt that you were more connected to others than Genesis and me," Sephiroth said. "That recruit you've been training – Fair – he's become a kind of friend, hasn't he?"

"Yes. I suppose so."

"I think that's why I looked to you first," Sephiroth said. "You seemed to have some link to the rest of the world that I envied. Genesis and I – we have no-one else. We are apart – and the more I consider it, the more I think that is necessary."

"You believe that?"

"Yes."

"And you really believe that you love him?"

"I do."

"Hmm." Angeal frowned. "You know, when I heard you – on the phone – I was so angry I was going to tell Genesis about how you asked me first." Sephiroth's smile was a little fragile then, his usual arrogant certainty wavering. "But you won't? His pride would never countenance not being first choice. It would ruin everything. Besides, even if you hadn't refused me, I think it would have been Genesis in the end."

"Easy to say. Why shouldn't I ruin things for you? You have, for me."

"It would hurt Genesis."

Angeal sighed. "Checkmate. All hail Sephiroth, once again. Well, I'll keep out of it then. But if _you_ ever hurt him…"

"I won't. I swear." For once Sephiroth's expression was utterly transparent. Angeal knew he was telling the truth. He sighed, then nodded and left the training room, leaving Sephiroth watching him with thoughtful eyes.

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	3. Chapter 3

Who, If Not Each Other?

Loveless

"Don't look at me like that!" Genesis said, as Sephiroth stared at him in disbelief. "Seph, please try to understand. These last three months have been the best of my life, in so many ways. But us being together like this has knocked everything out of balance. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I have to do it. You, me and Angeal – we're not like everyone else. We're part of something bigger – I can feel it. Whether or not I'm right about _Loveless _being a prophecy about us, we have some kind of destiny. You feel that too, don't you?"

"Maybe. But we're happy like this, aren't we? I love you."

"I know. But Angeal's not happy. And he's my friend. I love him, too."

"You love him more."

"No. I love both of you. The sex, between us - it's getting in the way. I'll always love you Seph – just not like that anymore. I'm not leaving you to be with him. I'm leaving you to be myself."

"And you can't be yourself with me?"

Genesis shook his head. "No, Seph. No-one could. You're too much _your_self. I have to see if I can be that, too. Don't you see how difficult it is always coming second, or third? You've always been the best – the strongest, the most fearless SOLDIER there's ever been. I can't compete with that while you're my lover." Sephiroth's expression was a terrible mix of anger and pain. "Why does it have to be a competition? Can't you just love me?"

"I can't _just_ love you. I need to be a hero too. Perhaps Angeal doesn't feel like this, but I do." Sephiroth grabbed Genesis's arms and pushed him back against the wall of the living room. "Don't do this, Gen." Sephiroth kissed him, hard and angry at first, but then more gently. Genesis had never been able to resist Seph's kisses, and for a moment he was tempted to give in, even now. But he found the strength he had learned from his lover, and turned his face away. "Stop," he said gently. "It's over." How many times had Sephiroth said that to opponents in battle? When had it ever been so devastating? "You need me!" Sephiroth cried.

"I do," replied Genesis, smiling. "I always will. But I don't _want_ you now. Perhaps it was never really about that – only you were so dazzling that I couldn't see it. I think, what I always wanted – was to _be_ you, Sephiroth. And now that I understand that, perhaps I can start being myself." Sephiroth released Genesis, and walked away a few steps. He said, "So now what? Am I supposed to pretend that the last three months never happened?"

"No! They always will have happened, and I'm glad they did. But now we need to move onto something – higher." The look in Genesis' eyes was almost rapture now, a burning light that half attracted Sephiroth and half repelled him. Genesis continued, "I'm sure there are answers – in _Loveless_, or somewhere else -

to all the unanswered questions. We need to keep going – to train – to be the best we can be- so that when the time comes we'll be ready – all three of us. One day I will be a hero like you, Sephiroth. Perhaps we're destined to save the world!"

"I hope so," replied Sephiroth, bitterly. "Because the way I feel now, I could just as soon destroy it."

The End

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